OT 19: Masks On, Clothes Off, Right Hand Left Titty

[wap]

I’d argue that you have that ability. We’ve been bullshitting on these forums for close to 10 years and your ability to communicate effectively has grown immensely, IMO, especially within the last year or two. But if you don’t believe you can relate or communicate, then that is going to be in your head when you need to do it and you’ll hold yourself back.

I’ve found this especially true for myself with stuff in the last few years with my mindset at how I perceive(d) myself at work. Being very introverted in person I struggled to ask for help when I ran into something I didn’t know how to do at work, and would just push things to the side or “forget” to do them and it came back to bite me in the ass several times. I asked a few friends for their advice and how they handle those situations and kind of modified what they said to something that I felt comfortable doing, and it’s completely changed my performance at work which led to me feeling more satisfied with my work. I feared being seen as stupid for asking questions, but the opposite turned out to be true. My last three supervisors/bosses have complimented me for asking questions and see it as taking charge and being humble. YMMV as every boss is different, but hearing that feedback has made it even easier to continue down that path.

Man, do I know this. I've had to force myself out of my introvert comfort zone at every job I've had to get up to speed quickly. At my current job, my boss told me in my first month that he was impressed how I didn't let any assignment trip me up. I view it as a goal...do whatever it takes to get an assignment done, which when new usually involves some awkward convos with strangers. I'm always surprised by how receptive and helpful people can be.

Then on the flip, when people come to ask me questions, I make it a point to be almost too helpful. Builds my trusted network of people at work, and also makes me an irreplaceable member of a team. There's been times where I didn't know the answer to a question, but knew who did from my earlier uncomfortable work...and help people make the connections that I had to force myself. It's treated me very well in my professional life so far.

I do this as well. It's a good strategy, IMO.

[D Griff]

Chris seemed pretty satisfied with life in general even before the move, though. Sure there were things he abhorred but for the most part him and his wife were generally about life and the outlook, etc.

Moving to cabin in the woods for a month only furthered their perspective and showed them that this is a plausible next chapter in their life.

TL;DR: enjoy where you are/what you have while you work toward what you want. That’s it. That’s the secret.

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

[wap]

It's like one of those Mastercard commercials,

Nutting on two sets of at the same time... Priceless!

Don't let a job stand between you and your dreams!

Doing the math... A night with our girlfriend costs about the same.

Nice dinner and drinks for three
Couple bottles of wine at home

Baby sitter or hotel room.

It adds up.

Worth it,

[troyguitar]

Chris seemed pretty satisfied with life in general even before the move, though. Sure there were things he abhorred but for the most part him and his wife were generally about life and the outlook, etc.

Moving to cabin in the woods for a month only furthered their perspective and showed them that this is a plausible next chapter in their life.

TL;DR: enjoy where you are/what you have while you work toward what you want. That’s it. That’s the secret.

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

I cannot and will not enjoy being in this shitty place or being in pain all day every day. Those issues are simply too large to ignore.

[4zilch]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

I cannot and will not enjoy being in this shitty place or being in pain all day every day. Those issues are simply too large to ignore.

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

[SAWCE]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

I have one buddy like that. Owns one rental already, lives in a condo he bought, is saving to buy a new place to live so he can rent out the condo. He’s all about trying to retire as young as possible and he sees passive income from rental properties along with buying into the stock market as his ticket to that life.

[fledonfoot]

I cannot and will not enjoy being in this shitty place or being in pain all day every day. Those issues are simply too large to ignore.

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

We had this argument a few weeks ago.

[wap]

I won’t justify any privilege and admit that there is a fine line. However, just because we have all had specific circumstances does not mean that other parents/children are supposed to live in those exact ones as well.

I expect any parent to do whatever is within their power to help their child succeed (and that is an expectation because it is an inherent natural response). I will help my little one have the best chance at life no matter what that is. I won’t spoil her to the point where it ruins her, but discipline and nice things can be had, especially if the kid isn’t a brat.

Yeah man, I'm implimenting every advantage possible to give my kids the tools that they need to self-sufficient and successful. If it helps them to have a mode of transportation to get to a job then they can have it, or at least get part of it subsided, otherwise they are stuck in a catch 22: need car to keep job, need job to pay for car.

Agreed. And while Trudy's parents perhaps went above and beyond by getting him a very nice hot hatch instead of, say, a used H, which would accomplish exactly the same task of reliable transportation, I don't begrudge him that his folks were able to do what they did, especially since he helped them help him buy earning his scholarship.

[wap]

It is interesting to be able to observe my kid participating in her kindergarten class.

Deets.

[wap]

It is interesting to be able to observe my kid participating in her kindergarten class.

Find the biggest kid in the room on day one and punch him in the face?

I literally lol'd at this!

[4zilch]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

Yeah, the rat race to bigger and better home ownershit is a lot of for me. I can understand home improvement projects to improve a space, and for many people it's a legit hobby. But I see people selling and buying houses a mile or two away because it's bigger, or has a better yard, etc. I just don't get it. Buy and selling is stressful, moving is stressful - so if it's not really a requirement (like having more crotchfruit, relocating for a job, etc) then why bother?

Conversely real estate and/or land ownershit investment is one of the few ways that the middle class can still build generational wealth.

[troyguitar]

I cannot and will not enjoy being in this shitty place or being in pain all day every day. Those issues are simply too large to ignore.

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

Why ignore half of the battle?

I'm doing what the doctors tell me. It's improving slowly but I am now terrified to do anything physical for fear of hurting myself again and don't know if I will ever be able to function fully without fear.

[wap]

Even though this place can be gloomy and depressing as hell. It gives me clarity that my life is really pretty fucking great.

I’m not as “successful” as [user not found] or Waxer but fuck it, my little family is happy and healthy. That makes me richer than all of King Midas’ silver.

That sounds like you're just as successful as either of them.

[4zilch]

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

We had this argument a few weeks ago.

I kinda figured as much - I miss a few days at time sometimes.

[SAWCE]

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

Why ignore half of the battle?

I'm doing what the doctors tell me. It's improving slowly but I am now terrified to do anything physical for fear of hurting myself again and don't know if I will ever be able to function fully without fear.

Sounds like an issue for you to tackle with the therapist. Do you guys have any coverage for that under your insurance? It’s actually a great time for it right now since so many more people are offering telehealth and you won’t be limited to whoever operates in person in Corning.

[Apex]

Chris seemed pretty satisfied with life in general even before the move, though. Sure there were things he abhorred but for the most part him and his wife were generally about life and the outlook, etc.

Moving to cabin in the woods for a month only furthered their perspective and showed them that this is a plausible next chapter in their life.

TL;DR: enjoy where you are/what you have while you work toward what you want. That’s it. That’s the secret.

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Living in the moment is not bad at all with your morning views!

[4zilch]

Ok, so lets take the shitty place to live piece out of it - that's a matter of perspective IMO.

What are you doing about your chronic pain?

Why ignore half of the battle?

I'm doing what the doctors tell me. It's improving slowly but I am now terrified to do anything physical for fear of hurting myself again and don't know if I will ever be able to function fully without fear.

Because it's mental and involves perspective. Same thing for your fear. I've managed to rehab through some pretty painful injuries. I can understand the hesitation to do anything that might re-injure yourself, but getting through that barrier is more of a mental exercise than anything.

[wap]

We've spent the last month living with nothing more than a Futon, a cast iron pan, a tea kettle, and a coffee press in a run-down house in the middle of the woods. I've never been happier.

It's made me reassess a lot, and I suspect we'll be selling a lot of stuff and not replacing it living a far simpler life from here on out.

Happiness is about being happy with everything you have (relationship, location, activities, etc), stuff and fanciness is a band-aid if there's underlying issues with other things.

x1000 - there's not many that ever recognize this.

x1001

[4zilch]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Living in the moment is not bad at all with your morning views!

I should really start posting the shitty cloudy days too.

[wap]

Allison pulling the at teachers while she is a master at the technical stuff and got a 15% raise for it as well.

She more or less runs the place now But fortunately she has been recognized/compensated for those efforts.

That 's great.

[D Griff]

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

I have one buddy like that. Owns one rental already, lives in a condo he bought, is saving to buy a new place to live so he can rent out the condo. He’s all about trying to retire as young as possible and he sees passive income from rental properties along with buying into the stock market as his ticket to that life.

I mean, he's not exactly But is it really worth giving everything in your 30s and 40s for some theoretical happy place you might get when you're 55?

I guess my problem just lies with the "friends that are couples" we have. I think this is hard for just about everyone, but I find I just can't have anything in common with these super domestic obsessed/wealth building obsessed types.

[Calvinball]

It is interesting to be able to observe my kid participating in her kindergarten class.

Deets.

Keep catching up,

[Tar]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

I find the trends pretty interesting and I like seeing what people are working on and how they get to the end goals. The cabin in the forest is a cool spin on the usual.

Aside from that it gets old after about ten or fifteen minutes and having a variety of other subject matter is appreciated.

I haven't really noticed that much house talk IRL but I'm probably five to eight years older as are most of my friends so at the stage where most people are settled into their place for a few years and on to other challenges so I think that diverts the convo. You spent a whole weekend with your dead sister who lives for real estate income and house flipping or whatever so you're probably by her thinking out loud about her challenges , fears and successes with it RN. I'm sure that you'll be discussing lawns and stuff in a few days once the weekend wears off, LOL

I like hearing what's on other people's minds mainly because I'm a bit quiet and insecure about leading the conversations sometimes so listening is just easier. I find that I usually talk about what is on my mind, and that is typically things that I am perplexed by in my daily routine, real estate was there front and center at one point, but not too much now. It is curious how markets move and what implications it has on spending habits etc..

Right now I'm stressed out about work wanting me to be very present during a week that kids are getting back to school, my wife needing qiet time to write a test for work which will make or break her position, and our anniversary that we are planning on celebrating this weekend. It seems like so many things are all coming at me at once. My saving grace is that I've been here before and typically handle it effectively and with a preprogrammed method mentally which keeps me from tail spinning into an emotional despair.

[wap]

x1000 - there's not many that ever recognize this.

so are you going to sell your FiST and motorcycles and donate your time to charity bro?! Do you even smile every day?

[wap]

I question the bolded a little bit as for many people it tends to be "more stuff" that you think will make you happy/complete. Whether that's earning enough to retire or retire early, start a business, or buy that vacation home...

Having the perspective to enjoy living in the moment - or at least being content in the moment - will generally lead to a more fulfilled life in the long term.

Man... one thing I've been rather annoyed with as of late, I feel like all of the couple we know are obsessed with talking real estate. Every time we hang out with another couple it's all about the next great house, or that new kitchen reno, buying the vacation home. There's nothing wrong with this, but it gets under my skin over time as it's not something I personally care much about, I would be perfectly content in a double wide. Is this just an age thing, a society thing? Do everyone's friends obsess over it so much? It is certainly prevalent on these forums as well, I would be so much happier if my house was X Y or Z. I think many here just enjoy the working with their hands aspect and I get that, not trying to call anyone out, just curious if this is universal. I don't know how many more dinner dates with three hours of reno/real estate conversation I can take.

I think it's at least partly a "point of life" thing. By that I mean you're all now at a certain point in your life: you're married, career is established, you own your first real disposable income is rising, etc, so the next thing to think/plan for is improving one's home, especially with the massive proliferation of home renovating shows on TV these days. We did exactly this for the same reasons at pretty much the same stage in our lives some years ago.

Obviously, everyone is different, and I respect your attitude toward it all for sure. I'm just speaking in generalizations based on personal experience/observation.