DFD

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:48 am**

Signed up. This could be fantastically entertaining, a thread that dies quickly, or I could wake up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney. Who knows. My expectations are low, as is my give a fuck, but those in combination usually lead to interesting stories.

As far as my profile, I'm violating the "rules" in that of my 6 pics, 4 have me wearing sunglasses. :aintcare:

for now, its what I have because I have to wear fucking glasses to see and it is always sunny in Austin. I'm also trying to favor recent photos esp. since I've changed the hair and glasses recently. I did write a short profile, we'll see how it goes. It includes height and weight since apparently Tinder ladies like those things and my Snapchat handle for anyone that wants to instantly stalk me. I don't use SC much so I don't really care. All comm will be done via a Google Voice number because I don't even give a lot of coworkers my real phone number.

After a few days of swiping, I have developed some personal rules that get an automatic swipe left:
* blurry main photo (you're lazy)
* top 2-3 photos are group photos and I can't tell which person you are; I might go to the 4th if everyone in the photo is a pretty lady
* all photos are indoor selfies (do you go outside? interact with people?)
* all photos are shoulders up only (suspect)
* over the shoulder ass shots in the mirror (what can I say, I like 'em a little classy)
* heavy makeup, even well done, as it's just not my taste
* no written profile at all (lazy)
* kids, indicated in profile or based on photos (nope nope nope nope)
* "dog momma" (WTF Is this shit GTFO)

I haven't found anything that gets an automatic swipe right. Super likes? Oh hell no. I'm also not paying for this. A buddy of mine sent me an invite for The League, but there's a waiting list and you have to "check in" every day to move up. Yeah, fuck off with that.

Anyway, if any of y'all have any content to contribute, please do. Tips and tricks. Laughter. Bring it.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:55 am**

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:05 pm**

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:10 pm**

stripethree wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:48 amAfter a few days of swiping, I have developed some personal rules that get an automatic swipe left:
...
* "dog momma" (WTF Is this shit GTFO)

You'd make a terrible Subaru owner.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm**

Stripes....

get a puppy
walk puppy
get phone numbers because girls love puppies
bang hot chicks

No but really my only advice is don't be overly picky. Don't pay too much attention to the profiles or even the pictures. Try and meet people in person, that'll tell you 500x more than some stupid questionnaire will. After 1-2 messages back and forth y'all should meet in person.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:23 pm**

Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm get a puppy

Hard pass. I want nothing to do with animals in my house for a long time.

Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm Try and meet people in person, that'll tell you 500x more than some stupid questionnaire will. After 1-2 messages back and forth y'all should meet in person.

Yup, 5/7 advice; I've heard this from a few. Have already gone this route with match #1. Trying to fit in coffee or a beer in between visitors this weekend and family coming for turkey.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:32 pm**

Meeting people is weird with everyone being closet introverts and being stuck with their social media. A lot of people I know rarely go out (they're mostly my age and pushing 40 and have kids... so that's likely most of it). In my early 20's when the internet was growing and new, it was so damn easy to hit up chicks and holla at em. They didn't have their guards up because guys weren't sending random dick pics yet.

I'd say just get out and casually meet people through it. Don't pursue anything, just enjoy the company and if things don't flow, no biggie. I went on a date with one chick who totally didn't get my humor (She was sick and I said if I was a cat I'd bring her a dead bird to make her feel better), and she lost her mind at that because she didn't understand what it meant. She was Belgian, came here to teach French, so there was likely a language issue.
Anywho, I just took it in stride and stopped messaging her, but she went psycho and wouldn't drop it. These people exist.
When I was dating around right about when I met my wife, I was talking to a few girls. One was persistent and kept asking to add me on Facebook and shit. I was weary, and stopped telling people my last name until we actually met. One chick cried at dinner because I told her I didn't really talk to my dad. I'm like... Wtf? Why does that matter to you? Same chick actually had a fucking rape whistle on her purse. A FUCKING RAPE WHISTLE.
That's not even the worst part.

Worst part was that I noticed it, and asked...."is that a rape whistle"
"Lol yeah.... Sorry, you never know what kinda people you're gonna meet"
"Does it work?"

*FACEPALM*
I didn't even think about it. It just came out. After that I laughed my ass off at the sheer ignorance of my statement.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:34 pm**

stripethree wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:23 pm
Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm get a puppy

Hard pass. I want nothing to do with animals in my house for a long time.

Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm Try and meet people in person, that'll tell you 500x more than some stupid questionnaire will. After 1-2 messages back and forth y'all should meet in person.
Yup, 5/7 advice; I've heard this from a few. Have already gone this route with match #1. Trying to fit in coffee or a beer in between visitors this weekend and family coming for turkey.

Yeah my issue with online dating was I'd :crang:

and want to chat back and forth on the messenger thingy too much. Which is problematic because most people don't want to check that. It's better to just ask for the number quickly and text or call (you usually get bonus points for actually calling vs texting like a :millennial:

) and meet in person so you can gauge if it's worth pursuing or not.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:36 pm**

Acid666 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:32 pm Meeting people is weird with everyone being closet introverts and being stuck with their social media. A lot of people I know rarely go out (they're mostly my age and pushing 40 and have kids... so that's likely most of it). In my early 20's when the internet was growing and new, it was so damn easy to hit up chicks and holla at em. They didn't have their guards up because guys weren't sending random dick pics yet.

I'd say just get out and casually meet people through it. Don't pursue anything, just enjoy the company and if things don't flow, no biggie. I went on a date with one chick who totally didn't get my humor (She was sick and I said if I was a cat I'd bring her a dead bird to make her feel better), and she lost her mind at that because she didn't understand what it meant. She was Belgian, came here to teach French, so there was likely a language issue.
Anywho, I just took it in stride and stopped messaging her, but she went psycho and wouldn't drop it. These people exist.
When I was dating around right about when I met my wife, I was talking to a few girls. One was persistent and kept asking to add me on Facebook and shit. I was weary, and stopped telling people my last name until we actually met. One chick cried at dinner because I told her I didn't really talk to my dad. I'm like... Wtf? Why does that matter to you? Same chick actually had a fucking rape whistle on her purse. A FUCKING RAPE WHISTLE.
That's not even the worst part.

Worst part was that I noticed it, and asked...."is that a rape whistle"
"Lol yeah.... Sorry, you never know what kinda people you're gonna meet"
"Does it work?"

*FACEPALM*
I didn't even think about it. It just came out. After that I laughed my ass off at the sheer ignorance of my statement.

Dude

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:39 pm**

stripethree wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:23 pm
Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm get a puppy

Hard pass. I want nothing to do with animals in my house for a long time.

Johnny_P wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:12 pm Try and meet people in person, that'll tell you 500x more than some stupid questionnaire will. After 1-2 messages back and forth y'all should meet in person.
Yup, 5/7 advice; I've heard this from a few. Have already gone this route with match #1. Trying to fit in coffee or a beer in between visitors this weekend and family coming for turkey.

Bring her. Let’s fucking do this.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:18 pm**

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:32 pm**

PM Sawce, Tindermaster General for ProTips.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:33 pm**

a lot of people i know met each other online. like [user not found]. i remember our first date.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:40 pm**

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:42 pm**

Also, good thread, has the potential to eclipse Sno's wedding planner thread for introspection into the true shitshow that is the human race. Good luck commodore.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:24 pm**

Going out on my second "date" tonight so I guess I did something right or she's just a meal chaser.

I had one girl tell me how she had an ant problem in her house then proceeded to tell me how they got into a bag of her favorite popcorn. She then put that popcorn bag inside another bag to kill the ants. Best part was she said she ate the popcorn after all the ants were dead. Good stuff. Amirite?

:popcorn:

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:35 pm**

Gberg2119 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:24 pm Going out on my second "date" tonight so I guess I did something right or she's just a meal chaser.

I had one girl tell me how she had an ant problem in her house then proceeded to tell me how they got into a bag of her favorite popcorn. She then put that popcorn bag inside another bag to kill the ants. Best part was she said she ate the popcorn after all the ants were dead. Good stuff. Amirite?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

LOLOL she's a mutant and is immune to toxins!
SHE'S A KEEPER!

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:44 pm**

Tinder was fun for me. Easy hook ups, met some cool girls I’m still friends with.

Bumble is similar, but had a different crowd. Girls on there seemed more like they were looking for something serious.

I used them both concurrently to fill both needs.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:45 pm**

Acid666 wrote:
Gberg2119 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:24 pm Going out on my second "date" tonight so I guess I did something right or she's just a meal chaser.

I had one girl tell me how she had an ant problem in her house then proceeded to tell me how they got into a bag of her favorite popcorn. She then put that popcorn bag inside another bag to kill the ants. Best part was she said she ate the popcorn after all the ants were dead. Good stuff. Amirite?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
LOLOL she's a mutant and is immune to toxins!
SHE'S A KEEPER!

Why didn't I think of this at the time? DAMN IT!! Should've texted her after.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:45 pm**

Desertbreh wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:32 pm PM Sawce, Tindermaster General for ProTips.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:50 pm**

stripethree wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:48 am Signed up. This could be fantastically entertaining, a thread that dies quickly, or I could wake up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney. Who knows. My expectations are low, as is my give a fuck, but those in combination usually lead to interesting stories.

As far as my profile, I'm violating the "rules" in that of my 6 pics, 4 have me wearing sunglasses. for now, its what I have because I have to wear fucking glasses to see and it is always sunny in Austin. I'm also trying to favor recent photos esp. since I've changed the hair and glasses recently. I did write a short profile, we'll see how it goes. It includes height and weight since apparently Tinder ladies like those things and my Snapchat handle for anyone that wants to instantly stalk me. I don't use SC much so I don't really care. All comm will be done via a Google Voice number because I don't even give a lot of coworkers my real phone number.

After a few days of swiping, I have developed some personal rules that get an automatic swipe left:
* blurry main photo (you're lazy)
* top 2-3 photos are group photos and I can't tell which person you are; I might go to the 4th if everyone in the photo is a pretty lady
* all photos are indoor selfies (do you go outside? interact with people?)
* all photos are shoulders up only (suspect)
* over the shoulder ass shots in the mirror (what can I say, I like 'em a little classy)
* heavy makeup, even well done, as it's just not my taste
* no written profile at all (lazy)
* kids, indicated in profile or based on photos (nope nope nope nope)
* "dog momma" (WTF Is this shit GTFO)

I haven't found anything that gets an automatic swipe right. Super likes? Oh hell no. I'm also not paying for this. A buddy of mine sent me an invite for The League, but there's a waiting list and you have to "check in" every day to move up. Yeah, fuck off with that.

Anyway, if any of y'all have any content to contribute, please do. Tips and tricks. Laughter. Bring it.

Good rules are good.

One of mine was no profile pictures with horses. Horse people are weird.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:22 pm**

Tinder is a great way to pick up trannies, poppers, or cocaine. Bars? Again no. Just no. The old fashioned way works the best.

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:23 pm**

Sno wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:39 pm
stripethree wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:23 pm

Hard pass. I want nothing to do with animals in my house for a long time.

Yup, 5/7 advice; I've heard this from a few. Have already gone this route with match #1. Trying to fit in coffee or a beer in between visitors this weekend and family coming for turkey.
Bring her. Let’s fucking do this.

talk about trial by fire

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:24 pm**

Gberg2119 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:24 pm Going out on my second "date" tonight so I guess I did something right or she's just a meal chaser.

I had one girl tell me how she had an ant problem in her house then proceeded to tell me how they got into a bag of her favorite popcorn. She then put that popcorn bag inside another bag to kill the ants. Best part was she said she ate the popcorn after all the ants were dead. Good stuff. Amirite?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

appropriate gif is appropriate

Posted: **Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:11 pm**

Gberg2119 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:45 pm
Acid666 wrote:
LOLOL she's a mutant and is immune to toxins!
SHE'S A KEEPER!
Why didn't I think of this at the time? DAMN IT!! Should've texted her after.

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk

Because you don't have a rapist's whit.

DFD

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Re: Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Re: Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.

Tinder: Swipe. Match. Be awkward.