DFD

Posted: **Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:13 pm**

So back to Pay Area issues of affordability. That's the real Crux of all this heart ache.

Why are her parents in debt?

Why can't they move or modify their life to fit their financials? There are certainly places you can live like a swamp king for how the Cali peasants exist.

Parents should do everything in the power to not burden children. Unless it's some fucked up medical or sudden death issue, I fail to see why a parent needs to consistently rely on a kid for income.

Posted: **Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:15 pm**

max225 wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:55 pm Since I try to be as anti as possible... I have a figure in mind with how much the AZN needs to have saved by march... and if she ain't there something is gonna go full
We talked over the details and she is going to make a G doc for me with all line items listed including the total. She also expects to reduce this amount going forward... Overall outcome... still a talk to have.

This is a positive move. She is showing effort.

Posted: **Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:27 pm**

CaleDeRoo wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 9:12 pm I have nothing to add that other's haven't already except Jimmy choo shoes are old news for like the last 3 years.

This one is not a brand whore that was the last one.

Posted: **Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:39 pm**

dubshow wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:13 pm So back to Pay Area issues of affordability. That's the real Crux of all this heart ache.

Why are her parents in debt?

Why can't they move or modify their life to fit their financials? There are certainly places you can live like a swamp king for how the Cali peasants exist.

Parents should do everything in the power to not burden children. Unless it's some fucked up medical or sudden death issue, I fail to see why a parent needs to consistently rely on a kid for income.

Long story don’t care to share but not everyone does $:math:$ they are simple folk who can’t.

Their whole family is rooted here they ain’t moving. Their place is 1/2 of what a comparable place would cost to rent also. So it is what I is for now.

They fucked up as parents in terms of financial independence.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 3:06 am**

max225 wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:39 pm
dubshow wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:13 pm So back to Pay Area issues of affordability. That's the real Crux of all this heart ache.

Why are her parents in debt?

Why can't they move or modify their life to fit their financials? There are certainly places you can live like a swamp king for how the Cali peasants exist.

Parents should do everything in the power to not burden children. Unless it's some fucked up medical or sudden death issue, I fail to see why a parent needs to consistently rely on a kid for income.
Long story don’t care to share but not everyone does $:math:$ they are simple folk who can’t.

Their whole family is rooted here they ain’t moving. Their place is 1/2 of what a comparable place would cost to rent also. So it is what I is for now.

They fucked up as parents in terms of financial independence.

Maybe so, but let’s not forget the often overlooked cultural curveball as well. Is she Chinese? Most Asian households whether here in the states or not literally have kids with the expectation that they will care for them when the parents are older. This is why China is having population issues when they implemented their 1 child preferably male policy that is now backfiring on them.

Sitting down and counting beans and agreeing on shit is one thing, but if familial cultural norms are still in play (aka maybe she doesn’t believe in it but her parents and their relatives do so they want to look good to the rest of family) then that is another issues you may not be able to avoid.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:54 am**

Maaannnnnnnnn

This is YOUR problem, not hers. You just need to accept a lot of :waxer:

going to her parents or :nope:

out now. Like Trudy said, this is a cultural thing that you're not going to be able change. Period. You can agree to a budget, but when something random comes up, she's going to pay it. That's the way it is.

When I got married, I assumed all of the things I didn't care for about my partner won't change. And that's proven to be true, and I'm 100% ok with that because I went into it accepting that. So many people go into marriage expecting x,y,z to change because of discussions or contracts or whatever...but I think that's just going to be a source of tension in the future when perspectives on said past agreements change (like her claiming you guys discussed the property tax thing).

We were both essentially poor with less than 5 figures to our names COMBINED when we met. I understood financial principles, and was :scrooge:

AF but I didn't make enough to put anything away on top of my rent and utilities expenses. What's nice about starting from nothing together is we set our financial goals together and have stuck to them. We agreed early on that neither of us would spend more than $500 on something without consulting one another first. We still do that today, and it's been a great practice for full financial transparency. We're also both on each other's accounts...so neither of us can hide anything, not that we'd need to.

Unfortunately, my wife is in the same boat as the azn in that her parents are not in great shape financially. But she doesn't want to pay anything to her parents, and at the same time, her parents wouldn't' accept anything anyway. The most we do is pay for flights to visit and/or pay for dinners or whatever during visits. But we agree to all that ahead of time and I'm completely fine with it.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:36 am**

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am**

Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:47 am**

razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

is just the cultural norm.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:51 am**

dubshow wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:47 am
razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

is just the cultural norm.

It's not uncommon.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:56 am**

Detroit wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:51 am
dubshow wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:47 am

is just the cultural norm.
It's not uncommon.

It's

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:02 pm**

dubshow wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:47 am
razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

is just the cultural norm.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:06 pm**

for dinner EVERY NIGHT! Gonna have to replace a lot of fridge temp sensors to keep your sanity Mad Max :ohmy:

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:06 pm**

Thread: derailed.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:42 pm**

Yeah, I'm gonna +1 Chris and Rudy's comments. Max, you are likely dealing with something that cannot be altered or contracted around. Those move in comments.....those are also quite possibly a little more real than not.

Glass half full:

1. Your woman is empathetic, that means she's also likely to take care of you in a downturn.
2. A second propensity of AZN women, which is just up and quitting meaningful employment once they have bagged their man, is not possible. I'd rather have a wife making top wages and sloughing off some to mom and dad than one who just decided it was time to be a housewife.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:57 pm**

Detroit wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:54 am Maaannnnnnnnn

This is YOUR problem, not hers. You just need to accept a lot of going to her parents or out now. Like Trudy said, this is a cultural thing that you're not going to be able change. Period. You can agree to a budget, but when something random comes up, she's going to pay it. That's the way it is.

When I got married, I assumed all of the things I didn't care for about my partner won't change. And that's proven to be true, and I'm 100% ok with that because I went into it accepting that. So many people go into marriage expecting x,y,z to change because of discussions or contracts or whatever...but I think that's just going to be a source of tension in the future when perspectives on said past agreements change (like her claiming you guys discussed the property tax thing).

We were both essentially poor with less than 5 figures to our names COMBINED when we met. I understood financial principles, and was AF but I didn't make enough to put anything away on top of my rent and utilities expenses. What's nice about starting from nothing together is we set our financial goals together and have stuck to them. We agreed early on that neither of us would spend more than $500 on something without consulting one another first. We still do that today, and it's been a great practice for full financial transparency. We're also both on each other's accounts...so neither of us can hide anything, not that we'd need to.

Unfortunately, my wife is in the same boat as the azn in that her parents are not in great shape financially. But she doesn't want to pay anything to her parents, and at the same time, her parents wouldn't' accept anything anyway. The most we do is pay for flights to visit and/or pay for dinners or whatever during visits. But we agree to all that ahead of time and I'm completely fine with it.

As someone who is getting married soon, this is a great post and appreciated, a great piece of advice. My :tits:

has some major family issues, which I'm not going into, but I've realized as we've dealt with all of the wedding

and family drama alongside it, that this is something I'm going to have to deal with for our whole life together. I wish some things were a little bit different, but at the end of the day, everyone carries some sort of baggage... think it through and decide if it's something you can :dealwithit:

or not and :nope:

out.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 1:14 pm**

D Griff wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:57 pm
Detroit wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:54 am Maaannnnnnnnn

This is YOUR problem, not hers. You just need to accept a lot of going to her parents or out now. Like Trudy said, this is a cultural thing that you're not going to be able change. Period. You can agree to a budget, but when something random comes up, she's going to pay it. That's the way it is.

When I got married, I assumed all of the things I didn't care for about my partner won't change. And that's proven to be true, and I'm 100% ok with that because I went into it accepting that. So many people go into marriage expecting x,y,z to change because of discussions or contracts or whatever...but I think that's just going to be a source of tension in the future when perspectives on said past agreements change (like her claiming you guys discussed the property tax thing).

We were both essentially poor with less than 5 figures to our names COMBINED when we met. I understood financial principles, and was AF but I didn't make enough to put anything away on top of my rent and utilities expenses. What's nice about starting from nothing together is we set our financial goals together and have stuck to them. We agreed early on that neither of us would spend more than $500 on something without consulting one another first. We still do that today, and it's been a great practice for full financial transparency. We're also both on each other's accounts...so neither of us can hide anything, not that we'd need to.

Unfortunately, my wife is in the same boat as the azn in that her parents are not in great shape financially. But she doesn't want to pay anything to her parents, and at the same time, her parents wouldn't' accept anything anyway. The most we do is pay for flights to visit and/or pay for dinners or whatever during visits. But we agree to all that ahead of time and I'm completely fine with it.
As someone who is getting married soon, this is a great post and appreciated, a great piece of advice. My has some major family issues, which I'm not going into, but I've realized as we've dealt with all of the wedding and family drama alongside it, that this is something I'm going to have to deal with for our whole life together. I wish some things were a little bit different, but at the end of the day, everyone carries some sort of baggage... think it through and decide if it's something you can or not and out.

Exactly. Nobody's perfect, but you also have to be 100% willing to accept them exactly as they are. If their baggage is too much now, don't expect it to change for any reason in the future. That's a serious thing that only you can decide on your own.

Been married 7 years now, and I love my wife more with each year. While she's grown and matured, her "baggage" or "quirks" haven't changed at all. Sometimes it makes me :rage:

but it's how she's always been and I accept that.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 1:40 pm**

I dated a korean girl for over a month, she had all the nice :waxer:

clothes, buys Whole Foods for her dog, but drives a 2008ish Civic, when we had dinner, one of her card was declined and told me it exceeded $500 limit, even though she worked in a :waxer:

company too. Her parents moved from Northern VA to a somewhat Baltimore suburb (which she constantly visits), cause it's cheaper. Oh her little sis wore Canadian goose jacket too :thisisfine:

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 1:49 pm**

razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:24 pm**

dubshow wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:10 pm
max225 wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:42 pm

Actually looked into this piece, according to cali, everything you had BEFORE marriage is yours, and everything post marriage is "ours" so... I could get spousal support since I make less money... dat equality life.

I spent a few hours over beers with my buddy who spent 15k on pre nup shit dividing the -50k in assets he had and the 200k she had...
The fact you are talking a divorce scenario reinforces my point.

Man, that's just

Brad can disagree with me all he wants, the right lawyer in Cali land will skull fuck anyone. Why at the extra layer of animosity of a prenup? I double down on the question why are you getting married? You don't have to tell the DFD court. You need to ask each other that. You clearly love her. You don't have to approve her actions. But you are getting the rare chance to see your future.

I think I would copy my pal's $15K masterpiece and cut and paste some different names and numbers.

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:56 pm**

razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:37 am Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 3:12 pm**

dubshow wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 10:10 pm
max225 wrote: ↑Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:42 pm

Actually looked into this piece, according to cali, everything you had BEFORE marriage is yours, and everything post marriage is "ours" so... I could get spousal support since I make less money... dat equality life.

I spent a few hours over beers with my buddy who spent 15k on pre nup shit dividing the -50k in assets he had and the 200k she had...
The fact you are talking a divorce scenario reinforces my point.

Man, that's just

Brad can disagree with me all he wants, the right lawyer in Cali land will skull fuck anyone. Why at the extra layer of animosity of a prenup? I double down on the question why are you getting married? You don't have to tell the DFD court. You need to ask each other that. You clearly love her. You don't have to approve her actions. But you are getting the rare chance to see your future.

That's literally anywhere. All the more reason to prenup

Posted: **Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:24 pm**

Posted: **Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:53 am**

razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:24 pm ??

We probably went too hard on the :fax:

realtalk. At this point, it's likely more of a personal decision than one that can be left up to the DFD Court.

Posted: **Thu Oct 24, 2019 11:31 am**

Detroit wrote: ↑Thu Oct 24, 2019 10:53 am
razr390 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:24 pm ??
We probably went too hard on the realtalk. At this point, it's likely more of a personal decision than one that can be left up to the DFD Court.

lot of tough advice that is :notwrong:

but hard to :dealwithit:

all the same.

DFD

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